graduation

We are about to get kinda personal…

Tomorrow, my friends who were freshman when I was a junior in college will be graduating. 

Tonight is their last official night as college students. Once they proudly walk across that stage they will be expected to be full functioning adults. People will ask them where they will be working and whether they have a 401k. They’ll need to know how to do taxes and maybe they’ll move out of their parents’ house and get a place of their own. 

But tonight, they’re still kids. And I hope to God that they realize that.

I remember the night before I graduated. It was a mess. I drank too much. I hung out on the beach in clothes that were not made for that kind of breeze. I almost jumped into the ocean but thought better of it. I helped pass around a watermelon flavored joint, but didn’t smoke it – I guess I’ve never been the pot smoking type, but that night I almost pretended I was. I kissed a boy I didn’t care about while sitting on his bed, just in case I never got the chance to again. I didn’t get home until it was almost time to wake up. I barely slept, I ate Chinese food and drank champagne from the bottle through a straw in bed. I told my roommates how much I loved them. I squeezed out every last ounce of college that I could.

The next day I became an adult, not a very good one, I might add, but an adult in everyone’s eyes. I skipped across that stage like I had won the lotto. I had done it, I had graduated college. Sure, it’s a pretty normal thing for most people, but fuck them, I was excited. I had done it all on my own and I was proud. I had done stupid things during my 4 years there but nothing I regretted. And it was all done with. My cap said “never give up” in black and silver sparkles, and I knew I hadn’t. 

The day I graduated college was a whirlwind of unnecessary emotions, but that was two years ago. But now I kinda want it back. 

SO MUCH HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND

Oh my lanta.

Ok. This post will be dedicated to explaining my fun filled weekend.

Friday:

Friday was National Doughnut Day! (those are two different links. check them out!)

Friday, at 11:30am-ish, I ran out of my office and onto the train. I went from 42nd st and 2nd ave to 23rd st and 7th ave. Why, you ask… to buy doughnuts. Worth it. I went to Doughnut Plant and bought doughnuts and ate them when I came back with one of the girls I work with. It was a fantastic day. I also was given free coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

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That night was my youngest sister’s Baccalaureate Mass. Because she is a senior in a Catholic high school, the majority of the graduation was focused around God and masses. Friday was her last mass as a high school student. I was way under-dressed because I thought I would have time to change when I got home, which was silly of me.

After the mass my family and I went to a family friend’s house and talked about old times and how fast time is flying by.

Saturday:

Saturday was my sister, Gianna’s graduation from high school.

After a long ceremony, the entire senior class squished into the school’s courtyard to take pictures with each other and say hello to family members who were lucky enough to have been given a ticket (the school is pretty stingy with the tickets.)

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We took a million pictures, I walked around my alma mater and found my senior year locker. I saw the new library ad the new bathrooms (that were a million times nicer than they used to be) and then went to lunch.

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Lunch was amazing and full of mimosas, like all celebratory occasions should be.

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That night, I went to a block party in Park Slope with my boyfriend, Nick, and a couple of friends. We spent the evening sitting on the stoop of a beautiful brownstone and watching the horrendous Rangers game. The upside was that the horse I bet on within our circle won! And I walked away a couple dollars richer.

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Sunday:

Sunday was a lazy day spent getting Gianna ready for her prom, which was the next day. We bought a bunch of snacks for her seaside trip after prom and then my family went to dinner together. I love going to dinner with the whole family. We talk about weird things and make jokes and all relax… until someone takes it too far and pisses everyone off. But I thank God for those times.

Monday:

Monday was Gianna’s prom, so the entire day revolved around her, her hair appointment, make-up appointment, her balloons and her date. She looked beautiful and I was so happy for her I could have cried. I didn’t know the boy who took her so I had to threaten his life a little bit, but he took it like a champ and seemed like a nice boy. They looked adorable together.

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After taking pictures at our house, my family, my sister, her date, and my aunt all went to Gianna’s friend’s house for “pre-prom.” There, a million seniors took pictures together and waited for the bus to get there. We waved them off then Nick and I spent the rest of the night eating their food and watching the ranger game on TV while my parents talked with Gianna’s friend’s parents and my brother played basketball with her brother.

Overall, the weekend was jam-packed full of stuff, but it was a great time and I’m so proud of my little sister.

 

Adult Life

Two weeks ago marked one year since I graduated from college. It feels like forever ago and yesterday at the same time. I didn’t even know that was possible.

I’m still as nervous about my future as I was last year sitting in PNC Bank Arts Center sweating in that giant gown and annoying hat.

I still have no idea what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life.

I wish I had taken advantage of that month and a half between my graduation and my first day in corporate America to do something more exciting than just job searching.

I miss college. I miss the freedom I had, I miss my friends, I miss going to class and learning about things I’d never use and meeting people I would never meet otherwise and eating Chinese food at 4 in the morning and stumbling home from the bar at 2 with my best friend at my side. I miss having a summer break and a winter recess and a spring break (even though I never did anything exciting during any of my breaks.) I miss living with my friends and always having something to do and somewhere to go and no one judging me when I ordered fried zucchini sticks at 3am. I wish I still lived in that carefree time. Yes, the 15 page papers made me stress and the finals were a nightmare and three hour long classes made me want to punch myself in the face, but they were the best years of my life. I miss having no responsibilities and not worrying about anyone or anything but how I would get home from the bar (because I was definitely not walking the 10 blocks back to campus.)

But most of all, I think I miss the potential life had while I was still in college. I could do anything, be anyone, get any job, end up anywhere. And where did all that potential land me? A gray cubicle in midtown. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that I have a job and that I actually have money now, but this is not where I thought I would be a year ago. Being an adult is a lot harder than I thought, a lot harder than my parents made it look.

I don’t think I’ll every be ready for full fledged adult life. I know I can’t go back, but how do I make going forward not seem so terrifying?!