I can’t tell you the last time I felt something enough to actually write. My creativity has been draining from my head as if someone had started to siphon it out, only to be replaced with warm air and dirty thoughts. Writing used to be my outlet, my hiding place in the real world, my lover. Now it feels forced. Like I’ve been left behind in a cold, cruel world full of sneering glances and smug looks. I need to write again. But more importantly, I need to feel again. Self medicating is never the answer but I can’t even tell you how I did that. My body’s just shut down so that my brain has no real use. I’m constantly swimming in numbers and spreadsheets; my left brain growing stronger by the day while my right grows weak and useless. It’s not work’s fault; work pays the bills. My job gives me a chance to make it in the world on my own so that I won’t needs a partner to take care of me. But by subconsciously devoting the majority of my time and brain to the math behind the ads, I’ve started to accidentally kill all of the lovely words that used to live there. Words used to flow out of my hands like webs, sticking to things they found a emotional connection with. Now they hide in my brain under percents and behind fractions. Can there be a common ground? How do I find the no man’s land between them to bring them together? Where is the neutral area to eat Christmas dinner on?I’m starting to see writing as if it were a chore, one I try to avoid by focusing on the ceiling fan. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be free. Instead I’ve caged myself in an excel document.
Ever since I was little I’ve known what the word “claustrophobic” meant. My dad would talk about his fear of being in small, cramped spaces and I figured, if someone as big and strong as my dad was afraid of that, it’s ok that I am too. But my fear has kind of transformed. I’m still afraid of small physical spaces, but now I’m more afraid of being stuck in any small space. Being stuck in my job, in this town, maybe even in my own head. I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing and it’s terrifying. I feel very stuck. Right now, today, in this situation. Very stuck. And I have no idea what to do to unstick myself.
Wow… March. That was the last time I posted. I suck.
I want to say it’s because I’ve been soooo busy doing sooo many cool things. When in reality, my life has been basically exactly the same as it was in March. I’ve been working the same amount, I’ve submitted a few articles to TheBerry.com (which isn’t very time consuming because they’re small and not very serious,) I haven’t gone anywhere fun or done anything interesting. Ok maybe that last part isn’t 100% true, but I guess I’ve just been blocked from the fun of writing. I haven’t been able to write for the hell of it.
This time of year is always a little annoying in my brain. Hopefully I jump out of this soon. Next week I’m going to visit my aunt and uncle in Utah and then a month later I’m going to visit my sisters in SPAIN.
I’m already crazy nervous about packing. Ugh. Wish me luck!
Today the world learned that the esteemed actor Alan Rickman died of cancer at the age of 69.
There are a lot of people who view actors and characters as friends or loved ones. TV and movie characters have a certain way of wiggling their way into our hearts and nesting there.
For me, one of those actors was Alan Rickman. While he played Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies, I will always remember him as Metatron, from Dogma. His role in that movie was hysterical. He was arguably the best part. His humor was used to perfection and it was a time when he really let his hair down.
But whether you remember him as Harry in Love Actually, Professor Snape in the Harry Potter Series, Hans Gruber in Die Hard, or Metatron, Alan Rickman will always be remembered as an amazing actor with a very imitate-able voice.
Rest in Peace Professor Snape.
It is no surprise that when most people in the US think “coffee,” Starbucks is the first thing that pops into their heads.
According to Wikipedia (I know, great source Ang,) there are over 13 THOUSAND Starbucks in the United States alone. To help put that into perspective for you, I work in Midtown Manhattan, and there is a Starbucks at either end of my block… I am literally surrounded by Starbucks.
Ok now on to the important stuff… the coffee.
In light of coffee’s recent explosion to being the most important substance on the planet (lol jk coffee has been the most important thing on the planet since ever,) SB has been on a mission to hold their position as the most popular coffee “shop” in the US. To do that, they need to push down the competition. And in order to defeat all of the little baby coffee places, they keep coming up with new drinks. In strolls the Latte Macchiato.
January 5th was the first day that the Latte Macchiato was offered to SB lovers across the country. I will not lie, I have heard mixed reviews. My main issue was that the LM is very similar to my beloved Flat White, the Aussie favorite that was introduced to Starbucks goers in early 2015.
Here is Starbucks‘ official distinction between the Flat White and the Latte Macchiato… In case you wanted to see it.
And now for my official distinction.
The LM is good. No doubt about it. It’s not like the most heavenly thing I’ve ever had but it’s definitely not bad. It tastes very similar to a cappuccino honestly, which is a little lame. I got mine with a little sweetener because I’m a baby and only like my iced coffee black. The thing is, I feel that the flat white is creamier, making it more appealing. I remember the first time I tried a flat white I told everyone I know to try it; I don’t feel that way with the latte macchiato. Also, like the FW, the Latte Macchiato is effing expensive. I just paid $4.50 for A SMALL. As a 24 year old person living in New York and ballin’ on a budget, four and a half dollars is a little too much when it comes to my morning cup o’ joe. So if I’m reviewing I’m thinking 5 outta 10 stars, mainly because it’s a fancier cappuccino that we probably didn’t need but it doesn’t suck.
I want to say it’s because I’ve been doing super cool things and being a bad ass. But I’ve honestly been bitching about work and trying to not cry while waiting for the ability to do nothing but eat pizza in my PJ’s on Friday nights.
That sounds terrible. It’s probably not as bad as I make it sound. But since I applied for the government position I want a few weeks ago, I’ve been extra miserable at work. I think the suspense is actually killing me. That and traffic to and from work has been absolutely absurd.
Luckily, we finally hired someone to replace me in my old position, which means I won’t be doing two jobs anymore! I’m looking forward to learning the real job I’m supposed to be doing.
In my free time, I have been looking at blogs… just not my own. I’ve found a few that I really like, blogs of awesome, fashionable women who have their lives totally together. Eventually I’ll get there, maybe. But until then, I’ll just drink my Mr Almond smoothie, sit in my comfy sweater and pretend like I’m interested in the world around me.