The Realist Vs. The Romantic

  
(Taken from here)

Talking to my mom made me realize that I might be more of a realist than I originally thought. Or maybe not? I don’t know. Let me explain…

I love my boyfriend. I love him dearly and I know that eventually we will be married. But whether that’s in a year or 5 years (which I certainly hope it’s not that long) I know we will be married, we will grow old together and make a life and home together and eventually die and together we will haunt the heck out of people and absolutely love every second of it. 

That being said, I don’t think getting married young is the best thing for me. Ok so I’m not 18, but 24 is still barely considered an adult by my generation. In my office no one under 30 is married. Actually, no one under thirty is even in a relationship besides me. But my reasoning behind not wanting to be married yet has nothing to do with my coworkers. I want to be ready.

I want to be emotionally, financially, and physically prepared to create a life with a man I never want to be apart from. And because of that, I don’t think getting married yet is a good idea. 

But to get back to my original statement; my mother was looking through the university magazine that my sister got from the college she is currently a sophomore in. While skimming the pages, my mom found an article about all of the couples who got married on campus this year, including multiple couples that only graduated a year or two ago. I callously said they were dumb. I should have kept my comment to myself but I didn’t think anything of it as I blurted it out. My mother asked why I felt this way and I explained that as a 23/24 year old, you’re still a kid; you’re probably not making much money, you barely have a legitimate job (if one at all,) and there’s a decent chance you don’t even know who you are as a person. While giving my reasons, I forgot that my parents were 23 and 24 when they walked down the isle. My mom tried to explain that when you love someone your priorities change and money  eventually makes its way into your life. But with half of marriages ending in divorce and one of the main reasons for separation being money issues, would you really want to take what chance with someone you love, was my answer. 

That’s when I think she gave up on me. She already had doubts about my relationship and I think I accidentally added my fuel to the fire. But like I said, I didn’t mean too. My main point was that I plan on getting married once, to the man I am currently dating and am absolutely in love with. And when I marry him, I plan on making it perfect. So I plan on being financially stable. I want to make sure I can avoid whatever issues are avoidable. I want to make sure that if we do decide to start a family, he and I will be able to give our family everything it needs to grow and more. I know I can’t plan for everything but I would like to at least try. I want to be an adult, even if I may not feel 100% adult-like.

So maybe I’m realistic, or maybe I’m the dreamer. Maybe this is all ridiculous and my mom is the realist while I, the self proclaimed heart of ice, am the romantic. Maybe the idea of being financially stable is a myth and I’m the one harping on fantasies when I can be planning a wedding. 

But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how it all goes. Wish me luck.

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2 comments

  1. My husband and I dated for 7.5 years before getting married. We both had started our own careers and bought a house together before getting engaged. I think there’s definitely something to be said for financial stability! I feel like if you can eliminate a potential source of marital strife, why wouldn’t you? It’s certainly a “to each their own” situation and sounds like you are doing the right thing for you guys!

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