Month: November 2015

D’s & V’s man

From what I’ve learned over the years, dealing with boys and men of different walks of life, is that most are comfortable with saying something crude in front of a woman. Most of the time they (the men I have come in contact with) think it’s cute when the woman is embarrassed and blushes.

However, if a woman says something along the same lines in front of said man/child, all of a sudden this kind of behavior is looked down upon. Now this boy/man is uncomfortable by what the woman has said, even if it is inherently similar to what he said before, the difference being that she is wrong for saying it because it is not appropriate.

Well, in all my years as a woman with a vagina and a brain, I have made it my mission to make people like this uncomfortable. And not because I find his child-like charm annoying as all hell, but because of the following reasons:

  1. I sometimes enjoy watching people squirm
  2. Penis size is a legit topic of conversation because it is important, no matter what he says about “knowing what to do with it,” which is another annoyed post in and of itself
  3. The clitorus actually exists and is not equivalent to unicorns 

All of that being said, wish me luck in my crusade to make it ok to talk about sex without making the boy/man next to me feel like jumping out the window.



This week’s installment of “Why I have No Money”

Welcome back to another exciting adventure into my almost empty bank account! I meant to post this at the end of last week, but as you know, Friday was a terrible day and I thought that would be tactless.

Instead, we waited until Monday. So without further adieu, here is a list of things that I bought this week with an accompanying diagram of the things.

  1. Express black heels with FEATHERS on the back.
  2. Express’s black sequined V-back mini dress for an engagement party I yesterday but returned because it was too much of a night party dress while the party was during the day.
  3. Express’s Lace Fringe Crop top and matching Skirt also for the engagement but ended up not working out. There’s a decent possibility I’m giving this to my mom, who apparent loves it
    • I also bought a cropped button up turtleneck sweater that I cant show you because the store doesn’t have a website? Here’s a slightly similar one that’s actually a lot cuter without the buttons. I literally only bought this one because it was $12. HOW CAN ONE TURN DOWN A WORK CLOTHING PIECE FOR TWELVE DOLLARS?
  4. Madewell’s Roundtrip turtleneck sweater in blush because I feel like that color was cuter than the navy. Plus I have an obscene amount of Navy sweaters (all of which were bought fairly recently) for someone who only really wears black.
  5. J Crew Factory’s Tissue Turtleneck that ManRepeller raves about. I got it in black because I figured it was boring and safe… like my life?
  6. J Crew Factory’s Printed Flannel Pajama Shirt that I had no real reason to buy other than the fact that it kinda looks like I could wear it to work on a more casual day, and I’m all about wearing pajamas to work.
  7. J Crew Factory’s Sateen Skinny Jean with Zippers because they were on clearance and I need pretty white jeans I think.
    • It also didn’t help that J Crew Factory was having a sale where everything was up to 40% off and clearance was 30% off AND there was free shipping for only one day (Wednesday.)
  8. Pocket Coffee. Ok there’s actually a story behind this one. My boyfriend and I went to Europe last year about this time. We each bought a Groupon for 3 days in Paris and 3 days in Rome. I have never had more espresso in my life then I had while we were in Paris. Nick loved it. He’s a coffee fiend and since he started dating me, espresso is his drug of choice. So when we were in a little bodega in Paris buying something dumb probably, he on a whim bought a pack of Pocket Coffee because he thought it was funny. Little did he know they were AWESOME. But then we came home and went back to crappy American coffee and both forgot about Pocket Coffee… until I saw this article tweeted out by Saveur’s twitter in May. As I read through the small piece by the freelance writer with an obsession for this little treat I knew I needed it again. But you cant get pocket coffee during the summer. I have NO idea what the heck the big deal is and why the supplier she mentioned didn’t ship it, probably a summer vacay. However, I cried about it and then got over it again. UNTIL MONDAY when I spotted an old candy from last year’s trip sitting in my desk drawer. So I was all about the Pocket Coffee and needed it immediately. Unfortunately, this pack wont be arriving until at least December… Enter the next two things I bought.
  9. Brazilian Coffee Candy which was bought because I was on a roll with the Pocket Coffee shenanigans.
  10. Bali’s Best Coffee and Tea Candies (6 flavor variety – duh) mainly because when I added the Brazilian coffee candy to my cart, Bali’s popped up and it would get to me in 2 days and it included tea flavors. And also because I have absolutely no self control.
  11. I finally decided on this perfect dress for the engagement party that I went to yesterday. I felt awesome, and I think that’s what dresses are supposed to do.
  12. Because I cut my hair fairly short recently, I’ve been straightening it a lot more. I’m afraid to see it natural. I know its terrible for my hair so I bought this hair mask to hopefully get my hair back on track.
  13. This was four dollars but it was coming with me whether it wanted to or not. I love masks.
  14. I took another bath this weekend. I plan on making it a weekly thing. So I bought this bath gel.
  15. Plus the matching bubble cubes. (I know I have a problem OK)
  16. I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THIS LIPSTICK FOR ALMOST A MONTH. NARS lipstick in Anna has been nonexistent in the Sephora by me… until last week.
  17. The woman who applied it for me applied it with this brush and suggested I get it because I can use it for everything… so that’s what I’m going to do.



I am currently sitting at my desk, drinking tea, and ignoring the massive pile of work that needs to get done next to me.  

Wasn’t joking. Please see the two massive piles of files that need to be sorted next to me. Also, new shirt, cute pattern right?

Even though its only Wednesday, I’ve already started a really nice list of reasons why I don’t have money again this week. Maybe I’ll make it a weekly installment. That could be dangerous. I also want to make it prettier. Any suggestions would be more than welcome. 2 years in and I still have no idea how to use wordpress!

But besides that.

Wednesdays are cool because there are no expectations, ya know?

Its not the beginning of the week. Its not the end of the week. You don’t need to be happy or sad. You just need to show up and get through the day without having a nervous breakdown that results in a trip to the hospital, (minor nervous breakdowns that result in massive wine consumption are totally cool though, I think. So Wednesdays are ok in my book.

Plus, my tea is pumpkin flavored… so all is well in the world… kinda.

I think I just won an Instagram Give-Away…

Winning things is not in my blood. I am not a lucky person when it comes to gambling or prizes. BUT today I found out that I finally won something!!

A few weeks ago, some fashion blogger that I follow (I don’t even remember who because there are a lot of them) posted a picture of her new Costella Handbag. Being a weird little bag snob that I am, I was immediately interested because I had never heard of Costella before. I stalked a bit and decided to follow their Instagram. As I decided that I would follow them, they posted a picture for a giveaway! I never win anything but I followed the rules anyway. The contest should have ended on 11/6 but they extended it until today.

And as I ate my salmon salad and stared out the second floor window of Speedy’s, I got an Instagram notification saying that I was chosen as the winner!!  Apparently I’m officially the new owner of a Karen Bag, which happens to be my favorite style of the Costella bags! I wonder which color I’ll get?

Stay tuned for a picture of my new baby!

This week in “Why I have no Money…”

Here is a round up of things I have spent an unnecessary amount of money on since Tuesday of this week…

Let’s start from the beginning.

Last night I went to a really awkward happy hour networking event. Before I knew how uncomfortable I would be at this event, I decided I wanted to look casually professional but not like I was trying too hard, so I wanted a cool blazer outfit. This week has been a whirlwind of excitement (read work-related stress,) so getting out for lunch was annoyingly difficult. But on Tuesday I was able to stroll on over to H&M on 34th street between 5th and 6th with one of the girls I work with and check out their “I’m a grown up and work for a living” section, which, as you could probably guess on your own, is pretty depressing. On the outskirts of this section (which I find myself entering more and more these days,) I saw a white sleeveless blazer. What the hell I was thinking is so far beyond me. I decided I needed this white blazer vest concoction. On the way up to the register with my new blazer in tow I saw a little baby high neck sleeveless shirt (which I think I own already) and decided “yes, this is what I will wear underneath this sleeveless blazer and everyone will think I’m cool.”

$75 later I walk out of H&M and back to my office giddy as a school girl. Upon arriving home to my loving mother who (thankfully) knows how to dress and what I should and should not wear, I try on my new outfit to show her. One look at her face made me run back to the mirror immediately. My mom does this thing with her face when she doesn’t like something. She doesn’t mean to. But her face kinda takes on this look of “no, this will not work out so how can I fix it?” That face snapped me back to reality. I did not keep that outfit. I definitely looked ridiculous in that vest thing and should not be allowed near stuff like that again.

It was downhill from there.

Wednesday I ran back to H&M hoping to return the vest and shirt and look for something new. But then I remembered this depressing little section hadn’t worked for me yesterday and I was probably crazy to think it would work today. So I returned the vest and moved on down the block away from Herald Square, where I came across a Zara. Thank the fashion gods for Zara.

It took me 20 minutes to decide that this was the blazer I needed.

blazerNow that I finally had a normal blazer with cool sleeves that covered my butt, I figured it was time for a flounce back to work. Except I had to walk passed Lush to get there, which never ends well.

Another 10 minutes in Lush and I was a slave to bath products. After coming to the “realization” that I was over work and desperately needed to relax in a bubble bath basically all weekend long, I decided on the following:

maskI just want to clarify that I needed none of these but NEEDED all of them… if you catch my drift. So that was how I became an owner of a face mask named after a berry and 3 different shaped blocks of glorified flour. Also, I have yet to use any of these bath thingies yet. BUT TOMORROW ITS GOIN’ DOWN… maybe.

Yesterday was the extremely awkward, yet slightly enlightening networking happy hour where no one was actually employed except myself and the friend I went with. We left fairly quickly after realizing everyone there but us was a ‘”freelance” something or other and that WE were the ones that were supposed to get other people a job. We can barely get ourselves jobs!! So that was a bust, but at least I have a nice blazer now.

Today I got a free lunch so I decided to upset the money I saved by buying a new lipstick that I’ve been eyeing… plus three others and a Christmas present for my sister.


And of course, I ended up buying clothes, because I have no will power or self control.

I love the look of leather. Its cool and stylish and when its vegan faux leather its just that much cooler. Dresses in the leather look always catch my attention, which is why I am now the proud owner of the  Harmonious Hostess Dress from ModCloth. I’m hoping to have everything delivered in the next two weeks because the suspense is already killing me.

Even talking about it makes me sad because the lipsticks and dress aren’t here yet. But soon they will be and I will be happy for about 2 seconds.

But those two seconds will be GLORIOUS.

Thank goodness for shopping.

Sunday Dreamin’

Tonight we celebrated my sister’s and my  birthdays. Ever since my younger sister was born we’ve been celebrating our birthdays together. She’s my birthday buddy. 

Yesterday’s Halloween holiday was spent preparing for vampy goodness and then walking around Park Slope with absolute no destination. 

Friday AKA My birthday was spent eating all of my favorite foods with my favorite people.

Obviously this is a very short version of a very long and tiring weekend.

And after having almost 40 people in my house tonight, I’m ready for bed…