Month: March 2015

My anxiety has been through the roof

I suck.

I haven’t written in so long. I miss writing. I obviously miss writing here, but I also miss writing for a reason. I sometimes feel like I’m talking to an empty room and it can be really disheartening.

But I’ve also been extremely anxious lately. I have trouble concentrating on almost everything I do and its been pretty difficult to write about anything. I started two or three posts in the last two weeks that were thrown out after sitting in a Microsoft Word doc for 8 hours.

The only thing I’ve been able to concentrate on lately is reading. In the last three weeks I have read all five books of the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series and the first three books of the five books in The Heroes of Olympus series, all by Rick Riordan. They’re all under the YA (young adult) umbrella, which is totally cool in my book. I never understood why someone would be embarrassed about reading a book labeled “young adult.” I’m just proud of you for reading dude.

My anxiety has also helped me not procrastinate, which makes things slightly easier.

The first friend I made in college (besides my roommate) is getting married in September. But instead of getting married in a normal place, she is getting married at the camp where her and her fiancé met… which means I’m taking a trip up to the middle of nowheresville, Maine. Its going to be very expensive but should also be very cute. My best friend/roommate is coming with, so we’ve turned it into a girls weekend. We plan on flying up the night before, staying in a darling little bed and breakfast, eating as many homemade cookies as the hostess can make, and making sure our heels don’t sink in the mud.

I know our plan because I spent my morning creating an itinerary in excel. I’ve already found flights and booked our room. I plan on buying the tickets for the flights tomorrow and spending the rest of my week looking for a taxi service that doesn’t charge extra for a ride into the sticks of Maine. Hopefully we aren’t forced to rent a car. Neither of us are 25 and from what I’ve heard, that’s the minimum age. I don’t have the sort of patience convincing a random person to let me rent a car would take. So I’m hoping to avoid it completely.

Luckily for me, I will also be flying into Florida later in the week to celebrate Easter with my family. I’m hoping a few days in the sun will help me chill out, mainly because I am not used to being this anxious or productive. Its terrifying (the anxiety, the productivity is actually kinda nice.)

Also, my eating habits have been really reallllly terrible lately, which is probably not helping the anxiety. I’m hoping to curb that by the time next Monday rolls around… or it’ll be me rolling around, and I would rather not.

Well… wish me luck.

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Currently Craving

As a self-proclaimed online shopping addict, I know that my expensive habit can be a bad thing. It took a serious amount of self control (that I totally didn’t know I had) to cut down my spending. But here are some of the things I’ve been looking into.

67-380x300I have no idea what I would do with this book clutch but I just think its so badass

RDME4-read-me-front-1200-700x700Ever since I was young I’ve always wanted a crazy giant library, and here is where I plan on starting my collection

Onyx_Black_Sheepskin_Rug2x3_5_ft__437Sheepskin rug. I had one when I was younger but we had to get rid of it (I may or may not be allergic to it. oh well)

562157_in_ppMy dad never really cared for the music of his age, At 48 years old he obsesses over Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack. Luck be a Lady has always been a favorite. This Smythson is just calling my name. If only it came in another color503753908_1_tabletopFrom what I understand, it has three layers of smells… I’m all about layers man

Top: peach, plum

Heart: violet, peony

Base: patchouli, leather, vanilla

Thanks to my Sugar Rush

I haven’t written anything in at least a week, and Percy Jackson is to blame. Since last Sunday, March 8th, I have read four and a half of the Percy Jackson & the Olympians books. Also, I think i put too much brown sugar in my oatmeal this morning so now I am wired and ready for everything! Another thing I’ve been focusing on hard core is floral wallpaper. I have no idea why. I saw it really quickly in an episode of The Goldbergs and immediately starting researching. While I can’t put anything like that in my room (its very dark red and flowers would not match) a girl can dream. Here are some of the prettiest walls I’ve seen so far. 7ca946a6b98a8677c79c04561e22070f 46d3809c8263a87c0a51bc113ec5f3ae b5ea74ddb2754292f377474a3219cc0b butler-2_1831960b ci_charles-faudree-interiors_pg_052_bathroom-wallpaper-sink_v.jpg.rend.hgtvcom.1280.1707 DSC_4073 eed9b653ecf041238222bc76ed6ec163 floral-victorian-style-living-room-300x300 pretty-floral-wallpaper-ideas-for-wonderful-interior-decorating570-x-723-87-kb-jpeg-x traditional-bedroom tumblr_nksor1HIxb1rff1ieo1_500 woodland_room_350

DST

When spring came, there were no problems except where to be happiest.’

-Ernest Hemingway

THIS IS THE BEST WEEK EVER

Hello and welcome to the beginnings of Spring in NYC. Spring and Fall are the two main times that the City that Never Sleeps really becomes the City of Insanely Perfect Street Fashion and Sweet Outdoor Activities.

This is the first week in a long time that the temperature has been over freezing and I am loving it.

While I’m still afraid of trading in my winter coat for my spring time leather jacket, I am completely ready for spring boots and sunglasses and the sun being out at 7pm when I get home from work! Iced coffee and gummy worms is my statement meal during the spring because I never cared for bathing suit season. I’m just so excited to be able to walk outside and not have my eyeballs freeze out of my head. Ugh I love warm weather.

Also, this means Spring wardrobe so I have designated Thursday as my “shopping during lunch” day. But to prepare myself for that, I bought two new sunglasses from zerouv (favorite sunnies destination – check it) and here they are!

sunniesAlright Spring – Bring on the sunshine and flowers, I am ready!

 

Ex-Something

The weirdest relationships you can have with someone are those that are “ex somethings.”

Not ex boyfriends because you never really dated, but at one point you were involved and maybe even really cared about each other. There was something there and maybe the timing wasn’t right or the stars didn’t align properly, but the strange relationship you two shared was cut short. It makes the grieving process difficult. But it also makes seeing that person again very awkward. Should you hate them? Should you say hi? Or should you wait for him to acknowledge you? Was this something that was unavoidable, but both of you refuse to admit it? Or was one side not putting in the proper effort?

I guess that’s something you’ll never really know, huh?

I always figured that “if it was meant to be it would happen” bullshit was just that, but I was never sure how to process that. What if it wasn’t meant to be? What if it just happened? Then what? What was the point of the pain that weird little relationship caused? Why would fate bring two people together just to torture one of them (or both, who knows?) for the rest of his or her life?

But what if fate is just a figment of the imagination?

What if “fate” and “destiny” are just something people made up to have a scapegoat? Just someone to blame when things didn’t go according to plan?

My cousin, the other day, told me that when people make plans, God laughs. But this wasn’t planned. This was a mess from the beginning. So if that’s the case, if this mess was just that and is always meant to be just that, why happen in the first place? Why even allow the awkward ex something shit to take place?

Whose idea was this?

Maybe being young and naive has a lot to do with it. Maybe it was a test, a way to determine what would be important in the future. But if it was a test, I think I might have failed.