Two weeks ago marked one year since I graduated from college. It feels like forever ago and yesterday at the same time. I didn’t even know that was possible.
I’m still as nervous about my future as I was last year sitting in PNC Bank Arts Center sweating in that giant gown and annoying hat.
I still have no idea what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life.
I wish I had taken advantage of that month and a half between my graduation and my first day in corporate America to do something more exciting than just job searching.
I miss college. I miss the freedom I had, I miss my friends, I miss going to class and learning about things I’d never use and meeting people I would never meet otherwise and eating Chinese food at 4 in the morning and stumbling home from the bar at 2 with my best friend at my side. I miss having a summer break and a winter recess and a spring break (even though I never did anything exciting during any of my breaks.) I miss living with my friends and always having something to do and somewhere to go and no one judging me when I ordered fried zucchini sticks at 3am. I wish I still lived in that carefree time. Yes, the 15 page papers made me stress and the finals were a nightmare and three hour long classes made me want to punch myself in the face, but they were the best years of my life. I miss having no responsibilities and not worrying about anyone or anything but how I would get home from the bar (because I was definitely not walking the 10 blocks back to campus.)
But most of all, I think I miss the potential life had while I was still in college. I could do anything, be anyone, get any job, end up anywhere. And where did all that potential land me? A gray cubicle in midtown. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that I have a job and that I actually have money now, but this is not where I thought I would be a year ago. Being an adult is a lot harder than I thought, a lot harder than my parents made it look.
I don’t think I’ll every be ready for full fledged adult life. I know I can’t go back, but how do I make going forward not seem so terrifying?!